Monday, March 26, 2012

It's not about where you've been...*

It's almost been an entire year since I've made an update to this thing! Nuts. I was doing so well for a while. So much to update on. This year has been a game changer I believe, my life looks a little different than it did last year, but hey, what's life without the unexpected and surprises. I decided that I do not want to do social work and have transitioned out. I've pretty much made the decision to take next year off and work and volunteer. I've also decided to head into the photography route. That is the reason I'm working actually so I can save up and go to school for it. It's pretty expensive. Also, I finally decided to take the plunge and get that tattoo I've wanted for so long. And I love it. I'm dating the sweetest boy in the world and I have grown a lot this year.

My year started out pretty rough, I really struggled and wrestled with God about the direction he wanted me to take with school and changing my major wasn't exactly what I myself had planned but I knew that it's what I should do. I'm never good with change (that's a work in progress), and I really wrestled with it for the longest time. I decided to take some time off school and take just a couple courses and find work. I struggled with allowing God to take control of my life and began have panic attacks and hopelessness around November and December, it was pretty weird cause I never dealt with that much anxiety before about decisions and life. I knew I had to give it to God but it was a pretty good wrestling match. I'm pretty stubborn. Let's just say it was a pretty rough time. But God is good and he brings you through your struggles. Like Tenth Avenue North puts it, "It's not where you've been but where your brokenness brings you to." I've come to appreciate that phrase and song a lot lately. Anyways, It was a interesting year. God is faithful. That much I know. I guess I always struggle with what people think of me and my decisions and that was also what I wrestled with this year. It's pretty ridiculous I know, because all in all no one really cares and those who do, don't really matter. I'm looking forward to breaking from school and to follow God to see where He leads. It's just nice to know that it's about where I'm going and not where I've been, cause I don't really like where I've been. But I think that's okay.

Anyway, just thought I would throw this page an update even though no one really reads, it's just nice to get it out in the open sometimes.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Expect the {Unexpected}

We've all had it happen to us before. An unforeseen turn of events, the vacation that didn't go as planned, an unanticipated guest, or an unexpected twist to an evening. Things don't always go as well as we hoped them to, no matter the amount of preparation or planning that took place to prevent these unexpected turns and twist to life.

I have discovered these past two years that I am very much a "stick to the plan" type of person. This was a disappointing discovery because I really enjoy the idea of being spontaneous and willing to hop on a plane at a moment’s notice or take a road trip on a last minute decision. It is very strange to me how I have come to anticipate plans taking place on the weekend or week and be upset if they don't maybe go as I hoped or maybe not even work out at all. To put it plainly, I really do not like if things don't go "my" way. I dislike this aspect of my character and I have decided to work on this as much as I can because this is a piece that strikes to the heart of my faith, I have to realize who is in control.

The million dollar question here is...Who is mapping out my life? If I am upset about the little things that don't work out, what if the 'big things' don't work out? Am I really planning this trip of life? or is God? If I am allowing Him to map my life out, then if things don't work out I can always know that it's for a reason. Like, what if my whole life does not turn out like I want it to? What if God called me to leave school and be a missionary?...If I never got married and had a family like I want?...would I be okay with that? Should I be? If I believe what I say I do, then of course. But in reality... would I? Just like Peter, James and John and all of Jesus’ disciples left their entire life behind to follow God. Would I? If I allow Him to choose my path I know that my desires will be His desires and I can trust Him with all that I am. I going to allow myself to trust Him and expect the unexpected.

Psalm 37: 4-5 "Delight yourself in the Lord; and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He will do it."

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Take Me There...

I believe unconditionally that God speaks to His people. Not only that, I also believe that He speaks to His people in a way or "language" that they will understand best. A huge tool that God uses is the bible, in which the truth flows from. Here it soaks into the lives and then soars out the mouths of the people who love Him. So whether it is mainly through scripture that He speak to you, or maybe through books you read, people you speak with or stories you hear, God speaks his truth into our lives everywhere. All you have to do listen. And because I believe that God speaks my language, I believe that sometimes He speaks to me through music.

I was asked some time ago to think of a song in my life that would best describe where I am at with my walk with God. After pausing to pray and sift through my mental soundtrack, I found a winner. We were sharing songs as a group of girls and one by one each girl shared their song. Suddenly, I became quite uncomfortable with the song that I felt best fit where I was at. Each girl picked some praise and worship song that spoke perfectly into their lives and mine was definitely not. Not that my choice was terrible, but it was not Christian. It was country. Take me There- Rascall Flatts because I love country music. This song spoke to every part of my being at that moment in time. And I know that God was speaking to me through it.

There's a place in your heart where nobody's been.
Take me there.
Things nobody knows, not even your friends.
Take me there.....
I wanna know, everything about you.
And I wanna go, down every road you've been.

God wanted and still wants me to Take Him There. Take Him to every part of my being, not just a little, but every aspect of what makes me, me. At that moment in my life, I wasn’t always willing to show and give God all of my life and He was asking, no, begging me to show Him. Love Him. Choose Him. He wants to know everything about me. So I’ve shown Him... because I want to give Him my all, not just a little piece.

P.s. Was this song written about some girl/significant other? Yes, however God is my 'significant other' in this song. I'm also not trying to use this as an excuse to be okay with listening to any type of music because God might be 'speaking' to me through it. 'Cause I know that there are certain songs that I should not listen to. But I'm opening my mind to the ways that God could be speaking to me through, as long as I'm listening and it is according to His truth.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Things I did this week because I was avoiding homework

This week I have accomplished so much. I wrote two papers, read ahead in my contemporary class and studied for my upcoming exam. I am ecstatic. However, just cause I figure ya'll are dying to know...whilst completing above tasks, I successfully avoided doing more homework by doing/discovering these wonderful things!

Watched George Strait Videos:

Learned this song on guitar: # George Strait

Bought new toms!

Quizzed on Sprocle. A personal favorite of mine: Missing word:

Watched Bones: # Booth

Wrote a song and drank lots of tea. %

Obviously I also blogged, facebooks a given and set up a photo shoot in Winkler in two weeks. wooo! Also, I played Wii Mario kart with my roommate and edited pictures. And went shopping. Random post. Just an Update for those of you just dying to know what I do in my spare time! % Thanks for readin'. Stay Sweet Blog world.