And I know the {Heart of Life} is Good...

Today was a bad day. Maybe it was just the overwhelmingness (is that even a word) of papers, texts, and exams on the horizon or maybe it was tiredness. Either way, I'm glad it's almost over, well half over. I am accepted into the faculty of social work for those I haven't told yet, that's way overdue. I worked at camp again in the summer as an LDP assistant which was good. It was a really dry summer for me for some reason...a tougher one, but still really good. School has been good but I've had a really hard time getting motivated to write my papers and study, which has ultimately shown in my grades. But that will change because it will bother me to eternity if I don't do well. It's now October and the weather has been ridiculous. The sun is shining and it's unreal warm.

I was thinking today about my faith and everything. How I've just grown so comfortable in it, which truly contradicts the point of it, and I was thinking today how many people don't really know what Christianity is about. Correction what following Christ is about. Because if they really knew and saw people really living, how could they really say no. I think I keep missing the point on that one. My justification of not caring lately always falls into school and busyness but truthfully I know that's not the cause. I just really need to kick my apathetic, selfish self to the side. and really live. Steven Curtis Chapman quoted C.S. Lewis the other day on his twitter, "God doesn't want something from us. He simply wants us". and I thought wow as simple and straight forward that statement is how often do I choose to think otherwise. He simply wants me.

I have this tendency to judge on first impression, even just a walk by, or appearance how a person really is. When in reality, the most likely aren't what I thought they were at all. The funny thing is, I find it really hard to change that impression that I made in my head even after I find out that it's completely off the mark. So I know I need to change those thoughts because it prevents me from loving people like I should. I was talking to someone lately about social welfare and people in general. We were talking about how they thought that people just want a free ride through life on the social system, how most are lazy and corrupt. Wow. I was thinking about how much that goes against my whole career as a social worker, when I realized that not only does it go against my beliefs in the social world, but also my beliefs as a follower of Christ. How am I going to wholly love someone and respect them if I think them lazy and corrupt? I can do my best to love them but if I'm judging them in my mind, it just won't add up in the end. I respect the fact that in reality, there are going to be people who don't strive for the best on purpose. I'm not under the illusion that this world is butterflies and rainbows and everyone is good. The world is corrupt. People are messed up. But if I choose to judge them on it, really what good will that do. Where will it get me? A whole lot of nowhere. If I don't strive for a better life, who will? People need to be loved. Not the glorified, pretty love. The love that makes you question why is this person willing to do something for me? A Godly love. Anyways, my point is, I believe the heart of life is good (insert song plug here). That conversation just got me thinking to my own thoughts on people and life when they said that.

Anyways, classes for the most part are going good despite my lack of motivation. I had a guy sitting in front of me today in my social psych class who kept falling asleep. I was doing all I could to keep from giggling. Woah it was funny. He actually almost got me scared for my computer because he head almost hit a couple times when he was dosing off. I giggled all the way out of class. On another note, I really need to consider getting my breaks on my bike fixed, I fiddled around with it a bit and they're a little bit better, but wow, if I don't be careful I'm going to run into someone or a tree.

I'm still really bad at updating this. My promise to myself to keep it up has proven extremely faulty if you notice my last post was April! yikes. Not that a whole lot of people actually read it...but I will keep writing like people do, because it's nice to just write and get things out sometimes. It's lovely how this is so much easier to write than a paper! I wish all my papers were this easy. Anyways I should really get back do doing the homework that I'm so motivated to do....