These Words...This Heart: February 2011

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Being Transparent...

I've been messing up lately...and to say just a couple times would be an understatement...but this weekend I messed up big time…it was a whopper. I don't even like to admit it. It was life experience, a lesson learned, a hurdle jumped. But it was simply a lesson I decided I never wanted to learn. and never wanted to do again. But thankfully we have a merciful and graceful God, who not only forgives but also teaches us through our mistakes. and this is what I learned, I realized that I do not, can not, will not and will forever hate saying one thing and doing another. The dissonance and guilt that has taken place because of it is not going to happen again. or I will at least try my hardest for it not to. I'm just not okay with it. I will never live my perfect little life in one corner for the world to see and have my messed up, broken self shoved somewhere small and hidden. I'm going to try my best to be transparent. Let my mistakes shine for the world to see, because I'm not perfect. In fact at this moment, I'm quite broken. and you know what? That's okay. All I know is I need God. and as much as I hated learning this lesson of mine, I love what God is teaching me through it. It's not going to be the easiest thing in the world, but I'm going to be transparent about who I am.