You Take my Hand, drag me head first...Fearless

I decided I'm not very good at committing to this whole blog thing. It been 2 months already since I've last written but I'm hoping to get better with this. Life at the moment...I don't know how to describe it...it's almost surreal? I'm not sure if anything I will say next is actually going to make sense, but I feel like I'm waking up from some sort of dream, well not a dream more like a nightmare, because that's kinda what I made life for myself these past three months. But in feeling like I'm waking up from a nightmare, I expect some sort of relief yet I`ve received none. My life for the past while has been made of decisions, important ones at that, but yet ones I treated as a joke, well not truely, but could have been the same. Like I didn't really care, but now looking back I'm wondering what the heck I was thinking. Truely...truely..what was I thinking? Is this how I am in situations that really matter in my life? I never in my life, want to come again to an opportunity to do great things and bolt for the door because I scared, don't think I'm good enough, or too small. God, God know's what he's talking about, Sometimes I think He's the crazy one, but when I stand back and actually take a look...maybe that should be directed right at me. I have nothing but him. I`ve felt more alone in the past 3 months than I have in all my life, but I have no where else to turn. I don`t know where God is right now, I know He must be there, He must be. I just truely wish, I could find him somewhere in this mess I`ve made.