Barefoot and Crazy

K, I'm really bad with keeping up with this whole blog thing, maybe I'll get better in summer, though it may be crazy, I'll try my best. This summer should be a good one, It's been an interesting year, I've found out a lot of things about myself, Most things that I'd really like to change and some I had just never knew and am really glad I know now. A year of discovery I guess you could call it. It's kind of been exhausting that way. I've always been so self conscious of who I am, maybe one day that will change, but for now... I'm not sure. I've been living at camp for the year and it's been good, but no somewhere I've always been sure I was supposed to be. It has definitely helped me through some tough times and has been great to have a roommate. Summer should be crazy, but I think good, I'm looking forward to the challenges it may bring but also the fun of working at camp. I'm getting excited for Keith Urban even though it's only in September! eeeee. School should be good, this I am a little nervous for, it hit me the other day when I was at my house that I would actually be living there...weird. I've been thinking about getting a job in the city too, that would be neat. Just not sure what I would do...maybe work at the mall...or superstore..though I wouldn\t really like to go back there..:P Well see what happens and what my course load looks like. Though 1st year should be pretty good.Have you ever been too tired to go to bed? Cause I am...but I really need sleep.

You Take my Hand, drag me head first...Fearless

I decided I'm not very good at committing to this whole blog thing. It been 2 months already since I've last written but I'm hoping to get better with this. Life at the moment...I don't know how to describe it...it's almost surreal? I'm not sure if anything I will say next is actually going to make sense, but I feel like I'm waking up from some sort of dream, well not a dream more like a nightmare, because that's kinda what I made life for myself these past three months. But in feeling like I'm waking up from a nightmare, I expect some sort of relief yet I`ve received none. My life for the past while has been made of decisions, important ones at that, but yet ones I treated as a joke, well not truely, but could have been the same. Like I didn't really care, but now looking back I'm wondering what the heck I was thinking. Truely...truely..what was I thinking? Is this how I am in situations that really matter in my life? I never in my life, want to come again to an opportunity to do great things and bolt for the door because I scared, don't think I'm good enough, or too small. God, God know's what he's talking about, Sometimes I think He's the crazy one, but when I stand back and actually take a look...maybe that should be directed right at me. I have nothing but him. I`ve felt more alone in the past 3 months than I have in all my life, but I have no where else to turn. I don`t know where God is right now, I know He must be there, He must be. I just truely wish, I could find him somewhere in this mess I`ve made.

//stay*beautiful.

Is there ever a time in your life where you just wanna run away...hide from the world?...................sometimes life is just too much..gaaaahhhhhhhh...right now watching what not to wear, listening to my sisters country music and comtemplating whether to work on my math homework, i'd love nothing more than to just curl up into a ball and sleep..simply just to make life go by faster...for some reason overwhelmed by the sudden change in pace..oh highschool

The Beautiful Breakdown

Stepping out so slowly
From the way things used to be
Hiding in the shadows
Scared of what they'll do or see

Crying out inside her
Trying so hard to be strong
Breaking down these walls now
She's now learning a new song.

She's standing here alone now,
She thinks no ones at her side
But little does she know that
There's someone there to guide.

She tries to lead her own way
As she looks back at her past
She's falling so behind now
Her life flashing by so fast.

Falling to the floor now
She's breaking down the walls
The face she sees is Jesus
And it's her name that He calls.

She finally gains her strength back
As she finally lets him lead
Taking her new steps now,
Walking now she's freed.

Rachel Wall
Apr. 10/07

New Beginnings

Reaching out forever
But falling to the floor,
Broken hearts and shattered dreams,
Always wanting more.

Crying out for something,
Only living in the past,
Driving out the people,
Friendships always thought to last.

Searching out the people,
Never wanting to give up,
Looking in wrong places,
Lives that always seem corrupt.

Seeking out the Faces,
Never looking up above
Drowning out the people
Trying to show you love.

People reaching out,
Trying to make you understand
Always trying to show you,
Your footprints in the sand.

You've trailed so far away, They d say,
From all your hopes and dreams,
Your life is slowing falling,
From what you'd hoped you d be.

Reaching out forever
Now falling so apart,
People always mending
Trying to fix your broken heart.

And the only one that matters
Seems so far away,
If He d only love you,
You'd have so many things to say.

Hope is all that' s left now
As all the walls have finally broke,
Crying out for joy now
As in your tears you soak

Forgiven, you are crying
Forgiven, you are freed,
Received the greatest gift of all
He' s all you' ll ever need.

Rachel Wall
April 11 2007

You've only just Begun

You've only just begun
This battle that you face
Don't ever give up hope my dear
You've just begun the race

Trying to hard to fit
In a place you don't belong
This life is only temporary
soon enough you will be gone.

There's more to life than
the perfect grades
to the in-style clothes
Life's masquerade

Trying so hard still,
It will never be enough,
hiding all this pain,
by the walls you still build up

But the battle isn't over
They will always want some more
They'll break you into pieces
until you fall onto the floor.

And now so very low,
the faith you have in you
You always seem to measure
every thing that you do

And you're falling to the floor now
shattered like a cup
and suddenly you wonder..
who's picking you up?

And you can see His face now,
Covered wet with tears
He's picking up the pieces
and slowly draws you near.

Soon Your feet are getting stronger
and you're walking on your own
each step you take is leading----
suddenly you hear a single moan...

You don't understand now
as at His feet you lay,
He is dying on the cross now
and you have to look away.

Your burdens are what He carries,
Your shoulders now so light,
"Why?" you cry to him,
"this cannot be right!"

"I have lived to die for you,"
He answered, "to take away your fears,
I have lived to die for you,
to wipe away your tears."

And hanging there he cried with me,
and then he finally said,
"You are beautiful in my eyes child..
I died for you and bled.."

You see, He picked up all my pieces
And my sins he took away,
He bore them on his shoulders,
And died on the cross that day.

The greatest love I'll ever know,
To whom I owe my all
I know one day I'll see him,
And it's my name that He'll call.

By :Rachel Wall
Mar. 10, 2007

Big Picture.

...life has this weird habit of creating twists and turns in places where you really...i mean REALLY don't want them, like what i mean is..the one thing you didn't want to happen..does..just like life is out to get you or something and there you are...standing..all alone..your life...previously going all according to your very own master plan..is suddenly an inconvenient disaster...though i like to think things are a lot more important than they really are...and i most likely read into things way more than i should...life just seems to disappoint more then just often these days...i shouldn't be complaining this is true.. i have a roof over my head don't I? I mean a lot of the times i think i just get lost in the amount of emotions and simple..way simple stresses of normal life and miss the Big picture...as of now..life is complicated..