Grace finds Beauty...

I've been thinking/working a lot this week on how my words and attitudes affect myself as well as other people. For some reason, all this thinking about it and working on my life has been unintentional. It's like little thoughts just pop in my mind after I have said or thought things. It's strange. But I like it. I had a tough week this week. I realized a bunch of things about my life and just a lot of things just didn't go the way I hoped. It was almost as if I had hit a brick wall. I felt it coming for a while but I didn't stop it either. Somehow though, I'm thankful for it. I think sometimes we need brick walls to kick us back into reality. Keep us in check. It made me look to God even more to make sure he was leading my life and not me. wow. Yeah, I'm just glad this week is over. I'm really not sure about the future and where it's going to lead me but I decided that's okay. Okay I guess that was huge side note there...but anyways back to words and attitudes that I've been working on. God has been teaching me a lot about grace. How no matter what I do, he'll still love me. This makes me seek him more because I know His love is so great. I've come to know even more this week how a life full of grace is a life that chooses to be so accepting and joyful. God doesn't pick and choose and neither should I. He loves us all. Anyways that was my 2 cents for the week.. A good thing of this week I guess is that I decided finally what my tattoo is going to look like. and it is going to be rockin'. I'm keeping it a secret though. I'm pumped. stay sweet blog world. Thanks for readin'.

Learning to be Silent

I have a mouth on me. A mouth that on more than a few occasions has gotten me into trouble. Not the trouble that ends you up in the principle's office or anything like that. The type of trouble that causes you to kick yourself for even opening your mouth in the first place. My heart tends to jump to conclusions before my mind can leap in and say "wait!". My lips work faster than my brain..I think you get the picture. God is teaching me this week how ugly it can get if I don't keep my tongue in check.

This week, being full of exams and books, I was busy studying at Starbucks at school and witnessed the most popular friendship-ruining, self-esteem-drilling, joy-killing conversations ever. And the worst observation of all...is that I could place myself right in the situation. Gossiping. While sipping my steaming peppermint mocha I would observe girls talking happily together, giddy and joyful, however, after one would leave, the hot topics would begin. Critiquing, comparing and tearing down.. How many of us, especially girls can place ourselves in any of those girls shoes...the group or the girl who left. I think God was opening my eyes this week to how disgusting the gossiping 'habit' truly is. Not only on the inside but how it looks on the outside. If I knew someone was listening to me ...boy would I turn red...But what I don't always realize is that there is always someone listening. Why do I have to pick people apart? Critiquing, comparing, tearing down?

How many of us remember walking down the high school halls and having the fear of walking into a conversation that we were just the topic of. What a horrible feeling. This world is projecting enough "not good enough", ugly messages without us to help them along.

This Christmas, I'm going to work on being silent...and I'm going to begin listening. I'm going to find joy in people instead of finding the worst. How often do our mouths project friendship-ruining, self-esteem-drilling or joy-killing things?

In [every] season

My purpose in life from where I sit is a simple one. Love God. Love people. It sounds simple, but in reality it's not always that easy. It's not always easy to love God in the hard times. When you face a battle and you're ready to give up. It's not easy to even believe in God sometimes when all you know is luke warm faith. It's not easy to love people when you know they'll never love you back. It's not always easy to love people unless you love God. It's never as easy as it sounds. But somehow, somewhere, I know it's worth it. This year for myself, has been dry in faith. God has felt far away, even though I know He is not. In the last few months this is mostly(all) my fault in lacking to take the time. I always find myself saying, "I'll make time", "I'll sit down for devotions tomorrow"...when and if tomorrows comes for devotions is always an argument in my head...No matter what it comes down to though, I know I will cling to Him. I simply know. Because I know He's worth it.

A lot of my friends in school don't get it. Don't get this faith "thing". Most would call me naive or ignorant, some would call me stupid. I simply could not picture my life without this purpose in Christ. I was sitting in my social development class surrounded by my fellow classmates watching a video on the impacts of the recent recession. There was a man on screen who after the recession hit decided to go to school to study Theology. He told the interviewer that "After the recession hit, He decided to trust in God to deal with his financial debt" in other words he explained he was trusting that God would give Him the wisdom to work it out in His plan...the room immediately burst out in laughter. Trusting God. It's such a foreign concept to this world. We've missed the mark on this one. I missed the mark on this one. I need to show the people who think it's funny to trust in God..what trusting in God really looks like..But am I willing? Because when I think about what trusting in God really looks like... it can be a terrifying thought. But when I know and realize that He'll fight for me....He gives me peace. I just need to aim a lot more carefully...Live intentionally and quit missing the target.

I feel like when I sit down to write my blog I want to tackle every little thing that's gone wrong in my week or life. I don't even know why I write the things I do. But today I prayed about what should come from this blog and this is what poured out. Either way, I hope it makes sense.

This week I was listening to 'The Desert Song'- by Hillsong and I think that whenever I hear a song that can explain what my life looks like at that moment in time, I cling to it. This is a song that I'm clinging to this week. The first verse begins with....This is my prayer in the Desert when all that's within me feels dry...This is my prayer in my hunger and need...My God is the God who provides... A couple years ago I remember sitting down at a table and being asked to draw on paper which season of our spiritual lives we were in. And me at the age of 18 producing a 4 year old's looking portrait of a bitterly cold winter scene. Dry spells come and go and life may be a series of ups and downs but this song was a really strong push and reminder that God is still God, no matter where I am.

In all of my life, In every season, You are still God,
I have a reason to sing, I have a reason to worship.

And I know the {Heart of Life} is Good...

Today was a bad day. Maybe it was just the overwhelmingness (is that even a word) of papers, texts, and exams on the horizon or maybe it was tiredness. Either way, I'm glad it's almost over, well half over. I am accepted into the faculty of social work for those I haven't told yet, that's way overdue. I worked at camp again in the summer as an LDP assistant which was good. It was a really dry summer for me for some reason...a tougher one, but still really good. School has been good but I've had a really hard time getting motivated to write my papers and study, which has ultimately shown in my grades. But that will change because it will bother me to eternity if I don't do well. It's now October and the weather has been ridiculous. The sun is shining and it's unreal warm.

I was thinking today about my faith and everything. How I've just grown so comfortable in it, which truly contradicts the point of it, and I was thinking today how many people don't really know what Christianity is about. Correction what following Christ is about. Because if they really knew and saw people really living, how could they really say no. I think I keep missing the point on that one. My justification of not caring lately always falls into school and busyness but truthfully I know that's not the cause. I just really need to kick my apathetic, selfish self to the side. and really live. Steven Curtis Chapman quoted C.S. Lewis the other day on his twitter, "God doesn't want something from us. He simply wants us". and I thought wow as simple and straight forward that statement is how often do I choose to think otherwise. He simply wants me.

I have this tendency to judge on first impression, even just a walk by, or appearance how a person really is. When in reality, the most likely aren't what I thought they were at all. The funny thing is, I find it really hard to change that impression that I made in my head even after I find out that it's completely off the mark. So I know I need to change those thoughts because it prevents me from loving people like I should. I was talking to someone lately about social welfare and people in general. We were talking about how they thought that people just want a free ride through life on the social system, how most are lazy and corrupt. Wow. I was thinking about how much that goes against my whole career as a social worker, when I realized that not only does it go against my beliefs in the social world, but also my beliefs as a follower of Christ. How am I going to wholly love someone and respect them if I think them lazy and corrupt? I can do my best to love them but if I'm judging them in my mind, it just won't add up in the end. I respect the fact that in reality, there are going to be people who don't strive for the best on purpose. I'm not under the illusion that this world is butterflies and rainbows and everyone is good. The world is corrupt. People are messed up. But if I choose to judge them on it, really what good will that do. Where will it get me? A whole lot of nowhere. If I don't strive for a better life, who will? People need to be loved. Not the glorified, pretty love. The love that makes you question why is this person willing to do something for me? A Godly love. Anyways, my point is, I believe the heart of life is good (insert song plug here). That conversation just got me thinking to my own thoughts on people and life when they said that.

Anyways, classes for the most part are going good despite my lack of motivation. I had a guy sitting in front of me today in my social psych class who kept falling asleep. I was doing all I could to keep from giggling. Woah it was funny. He actually almost got me scared for my computer because he head almost hit a couple times when he was dosing off. I giggled all the way out of class. On another note, I really need to consider getting my breaks on my bike fixed, I fiddled around with it a bit and they're a little bit better, but wow, if I don't be careful I'm going to run into someone or a tree.

I'm still really bad at updating this. My promise to myself to keep it up has proven extremely faulty if you notice my last post was April! yikes. Not that a whole lot of people actually read it...but I will keep writing like people do, because it's nice to just write and get things out sometimes. It's lovely how this is so much easier to write than a paper! I wish all my papers were this easy. Anyways I should really get back do doing the homework that I'm so motivated to do....

A decade times {Two}

I turned twenty last week. No more teens for me! I am a twenty year old. A decade times two. Because of this spectacular event, I have decided to make a list of some of the simple things I want to do while I'm twenty, well, and also not when I'm twenty. but heck, I'm only twenty once! Let's enjoy it!

1. Go to Grand Beach with my friends, buy ice cream, dance, swim, tan and sing the entire day away.
2. Go out into a field, bring my guitar, and sing. hmmm summer days.
3. Fly to France to visit my dearest Friend Nathalie. Sigh...I wish.. Okay real number three. Write and record a song.
4. Watch the 5-hour version of Pride and Prejudice without falling asleep.
5. Befriend someone off the street(not in Winkler! That would be way to easy)
6. Live through my stats exam this friday. (Not even a joke, very very very legit.)
7. Go a whole week without washing my hair (eww!)
8. Drive out in the middle of nowhere, and look at the stars.
9. Watch a meteor shower for more that five minutes.
10. Take a spontaneous Road Trip to anywhere.
11. Get to know my grandma
12. Go twirling, in dresses with my friends, just for fun.
13. Ride the bus around Winnipeg, just because.
14. Buy coffee for a perfect stranger.
15. Send out a message in a bottle.
16. Learn to tell a joke with out messing up the punchline!
17. Learn to Waltz
18. Strive to become a better follower of Christ
19. Take a Photography course
20. Learn to love who God made me.
21. Laugh. I hope I laugh a lot while I'm twenty.
22. Dance, in the rain, in the sun, on the beach.
23. Give Sushi another go 'round.
24. The list could very well go on forever, but my need for sleep is growing so I will leave it at that for now.... Any Suggestions? They are simple things.

Much love,

Rachel

Ps. I am still continuing to look at youtube and random places for things to make me laugh. Just for fun. This is my latest, most cutest, most awesomest finding at this point. Enjoy! :)